Day 55 - Rigid

Day 55 - Rigid

Read the Self-Forgiveness out loud

Today I was looking at the word 'rigid' it came up from a series of conversations I've been having recently with many of you who read this. My wife and I noticed specifically there will be moments where one of us will react in a split second, and 'rigidify' 

For example I went over to my neighbors house to check out this sprinter van we will be using for an upcoming trip. When I got home I brought up some details about it to my wife. She made a simple comment about something SO mundane, such a tiny detail, but in the moment and how she said it, there was something in her tone that I reacted to and I became 'rigid' for a split second.

Notice how I said this ^^^

Something in her tone that I reacted to

Not 'she made me react' -- that's some bullshit. I am 100% responsible here. So even in that MOMENT (as my awareness has increased from walking this process) I saw a split second of me being rigid in my expression, wanting to then close myself off from her - so I voiced it. I said 'Hey woah I got triggered right there and I don't even know why its kind of funny, I think it was something in your tone'

I felt like I needed to be RIGHT in the conversation. Even though there was ZERO benefit to me trying to be right. She was literally trying to express the best seats to keep in the van and which ones to remove. Technical details but this just shows how the mind works.

We can get triggered from a single tone our partner (or anyone) uses, and it activates a memory and an entire character-inner-architecture of programs. Then we can become RIGID in that moment.

I was aware, so I was flexible in the moment and didn't stay rigid.

But the point remains. This rigidity is how we totally fuck ourselves over in life.

We end up being these rigid people walking around like we have a stick up our ass. 

Wild expression I know but actually. Being rigid in our expression, limiting ourselves... such a sad fact when we have so much opportunity here to EXPRESS ourselves.

So thus Self-Forgiveness..

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize the fact of being a human being, there are certain facts about how our body and mind works that we are subject to - for example our brain will crystallize in certain ways based on the stimuli presented to us, whether it be tones, words, images, symbols, energy-levels, etc. And this stimuli is stored in us starting when we are in the womb.. and FROM this we get rigid in our expression

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to crystallize my identity into 'self interest' and 'always wanting to be right', thus becoming rigid and now allowing my flexibility in expression to come through

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to hear the quote/analogy 'a strong tree will bend but never break' and within hearing this, I hadn't fully applied it to my life - as nature is a great teacher where I see the trees around me like the willow tree for example, it bends all over in the wind, but is extremely strong, where a rigid tree snaps when faced with the stressors of life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take seriously this quote 'be firm in your principles yet flexible in your expression' and within this I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to live my agreement as principles as what I stand as with the understanding that the stand doesn't mean be rigid and inflexible in it, it means to move AS these words in my living and expression, as a living word is dynamic and flows as sound as all as one as me - this is mastery of creation and only possible when one is firm in their principles yet flexible in expression

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I develop myself within my process, my awareness expands, and I will have moments of opportunity where I can see myself 'fall' out of grace, I can see myself go into a mind pattern, and in those moments there is a BRIDGE to get out of the rigidity of the old pattern

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in life dynamic tension is here as a fact of how structure holds, for example I have a skeleton of my body, my spine, my bones, all of these structures 'appear' to be rigid but upon further investigation one realizes they are dynamic, moving, operating from the principle of 'tensegrity' which is tension + integrity

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be rigid in my language, holding my crystallized understanding of words within my flesh, that was causing outcomes I didn't like, and within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that living words are able to be REDEFINED words, where in the moment I can use the sound yet imbue it with my intention and willpower to create a NEW outcome and new potential resonance, and these words become living seeds to create the change in my own life and my environment

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be rigid in my understanding, believing that my world-view must be right, that my beliefs are valid, and that I am 'going to be right', failing to realize the only valid guide point is assessing common sense as what is best for all, and being flexible in each moment to figure out what that is within self-honesty and agreements with others. This is the way through, from our broken rigid crumbling current system - to the birth of the new world that is also here simultaneously. This is going from rigid - to the bridge - of the new world.

I realize that as the word rigid means to be inflexible and incapable of/resistant to bending, staying rigid is equal to staying limited

I realize that in each moment ME as LIFE as who I am can come forth like a fountain in each moment - able to expand any opportunity - as life will consistently present opportunity for those intending to expand life, and the living word EXPRESSION is the way to see and build with these moments and accumulate them

I realize that even though our brain does crystallize words as symbols into our flesh, there are tools to re-open this ability to learn new words, and to purify the words so that a new definition can resonate forth and thus a new outcome can emerge

I commit myself to catch the moments where I go into pre-programmed rigidity and thus limit myself - so in that moment I can live the self-forgiveness, correct myself real time and then expand the new opportunity that is always here as life if I am open to it - 'those who have ears to hear and eyes to see', this is when one is here equal as life this is abundantly obvious

I commit myself to nudge and influence those around me who are rigid in their ways, to be a support to them as I am forever grateful I had individuals - in a kind way - shock me out of my rigid (and frankly immature) belief systems so I could see a new way of living. This changed my life and its my living commitment to bring this through to all who can hear

I commit myself to show my kids and all future generations that an adult can 'be like a child' and have fun and express, while holding strong within the principle of common sense as what's best for all, so an adult can be the mature being who stands for what matters while still retaining the innocence of a child and cultivating that 'life spark' so fundamentally we can change human nature from our rigid limitations to an expansive bridge into the new world where this becomes normal