Day 66 - What Does It Mean to Be a Man? (Part 3 - Conclusion)

Day 66 - What Does It Mean to Be a Man? (Part 3 - Conclusion)

Upon the past 2 days of writing on 'what it means to be a man' I had a few more insights to bring this point to completion

I am part of a men's group called the Self-Leaders Club and we have a mastermind discussion every 2 weeks. 

If you are a man who wants to be held to a higher standard, to be a leader in the world and bring about the change we need, hit me up I'll teach you how you can join.

On this discussion I got feedback the past 2 blogs helped a lot of the guys

Also as I heard this, it became evident there are 3 other points to bring through, and I will give context for each

1 - Niceness is a disease, Kindness is the cure

2 - A real man honors their agreements that are built on principle

3 - Self-Trust as equals is what emerges as the backbone of the new world

Now point by point

1 - Niceness is a disease, Kindness is the cure

Yesterday I was at our local mastermind group. My colleague Pedro and I have run this group for 5+ years. He does an excellent job running the main discussion and we utilize the group as a way to unite the people who want to change their lives, and align their 'success' with real purpose

In the discussion, Pedro was bringing through the 'cost' of being nice, of avoiding conflict, of not actually confronting the things in your life.

He asked a question that made me stop and ponder ... and I've been looking at it all weekend. He asked 'what has your niceness cost you'?

I was raised to 'be nice'.

I am from Minnesota, where we literally have a phrase called 'Minnesota Nice' its where people are pleasant, even if it means they'll be in silent despair, but they'll say 'hey I'm doing great'.

What I realized is that niceness has cost me massively. Not just money (even though I would likely have made over $1M more at least in my journey as an entrepreneur if I had been more direct) but really it has cost me relationships, where I would not actually SERVE the person by telling them the KIND thing.

For example = nice is when you don't tell someone they have bad breath. Kind is when you call it out (with tact and candor of course, because you actually care about the outcome, not just making the other person react)

So as I had been reflecting on this over the weekend, the phrase popped in my mind. Nice is a disease. Kindness is the cure.

Niceness is caring more about your own feelings and how you are perceived... where KINDNESS is the cure - meaning it is the word that when it is LIVED - you can support others for real, unconditionally

And thus the living commitment emerged in me of Kindness - at a whole new level. And the realization that a MAN is KIND. A boy will hide behind 'being nice' to play a charade. Fuck that. Its selfish and against what I stand for.

I can be respectful, and help the other person actually change - by being KIND and saying what needs to be said. Because if I were the other, that's what I would want.

Thus - a Man is Kind.

Point 2 - A real man honors their agreements that are built on principle

I heard the phrase today from my other colleague Borys, on our Self-Leaders call, quoting our other colleague Avery with the true statement that - a boy can only turn into a man when they are in a committed partnership.

I agree 100%

It may hurt, but hey - refer to point 1 about kindness.

If you are a single guy, you can only go so far alone, and you can only go so far by 'dating around' and being a playboy. You don't have anything REAL to commit to long term.

I have noticed with my wife, since being married and having our relationship built on agreement of principle that there is an intimacy that develops, where you have trust, you can share feedback faster, you can learn and iterate faster, and you build together. It allows you to see your own bullshit faster, and is a practice ground for HOW you will show up in the world.

So thus point 2 - a MAN honors his agreements. And in order to have that, you need the agreement in order to honor it

This is backed up by yet another point I saw this weekend, I was listening to a podcast on John D. Rockefeller. I do not look 'up' to this man, but I see he was an effective entrepreneur in the system and I do live by the principle of 'investigate all and keep what is best'.

Rockefeller said that the measure of a true man is one who honors his contracts/covenants.

There is something to this that we had lost in the modern world.

Now days where people can post bullshit online, leave some rage bait comments, talk shit online, there is a lack of HONOR in our culture. This creeps in where now people make commitments and don't honor them.

We say 'i'll be at the party' and then don't even show up, or even TEXT to say 'hey I can't make it'.

We have lost the value of our word

And that is detrimental to society and each of us.

Because think about it - if I make an agreement with my friend, or even with myself to say - I will be at the gym tomorrow at 9 am. Then I don't show up... I literally broke my word, my bond, my agreement.

Then at the same time I could say something like 'this year I will make $1M in my business'. 

On a resonant level, and even on a conscious level, how the fuck am I supposed to be able to take that goal seriously when I can't even get to the gym on time?

And don't even get me started on showing up late. Its so normal for our culture to say 'I will be there at 1 pm. Then show up late. Not even acknowledge it. This corrodes self-trust and trust between us...

So - A real man will honor their agreements.

Point 3 - 3 - Self-Trust as equals is what emerges as the backbone of the new world

Let's look at the word backbone - 

We are all each individual parts of our collective body/being as humanity

For example - imagine my heart didn't trust my brain, didn't trust my liver to 'do its thing'. I would be dead fast.

There is a mutual trust that must emerge.  But it doesn't come from 'blindly' trusting another

It comes from each of us trusting ourselves, having our operating principles, and then over time accumulating trust, and all of the benefits of this.

When a man does each of these (from my blog yesterday and today)

- Provides in the best way

- Protects in the best way

- Is KIND and doesn't succumb to niceness

- Honors his agreements, based in principle (specifically these principles, not the ray dalio bullshit system principles)

- And develops self-trust

This is a man.

This is a man I will be able to work with, to walk side by side, as we create the backbone of the new world. 

We are the skeleton/structure/foundation of the world.

Imagine the MAN/MASCULINE is the structure of the home. We keep what's inside safe. We weather any storm. We are always here. Always present.

The FEMALE/FEMININE is the energy within the home. It makes it a nice place to be, a place that is nurturing.

Ever been in a single guys apartment? There's a mattress, maybe a desk... MAYBE 1 picture on the wall. Its simple.

When a woman is involved, its nice. There's nice couches, a blanket, some decorations.

We need both.

But this blog is specifically to make it clear - this is what a man is - how I see it and for all to see.

There is one bonus step I'll address...

It's called the 'Rite of Passage'

In cultures around the world, forever - there has been known the phrase.

Women grow up, men must be raised up.

Women naturally mature

Men must have some form of decision within them, where they transition from boy to man.

I'm not advocating we need to bring back some Agoge shit from 300 or a lion hunt in the wild.

It's simple, its a declaration to walk the journey to life, to live the principles and to welcome the test that comes with it. Life is intelligent, we ARE life. 

Life has a way of testing us - as ourselves. Sounds 'meta' but its not. Its us as life proving to ourselves we are the living words we say we are. We are sentenced by our sentences. 

So the 'rite of passage' is this undertaking, where one can thus 'visibly live the principles' and be an effective member of our world as their role as a man.

I will elaborate more tomorrow

Bonus - the rite of passage (will elaborate more tomorrow)