Day 10 - Face the Point

 Note - Each of these blogs can be read individually, or in order. Its suggested to read them out loud, it will have 1000x the benefit.

Since my post yesterday about 'Relationships as Agreements' I had a vivid memory pop up

A clear example of what it means to walk this process

So this was early on in my relationship with Jessica, 2 weeks in. We had started our relationship agreement on April 8, 2020.

So 2 weeks in, we had already moved in together, we knew we were serious about it.

And one night before we went to bed, there was a moment of misunderstanding.

I do not recall the exact details, but it was one of those moments where I said something, she interpreted it another way, and I could SENSE we were not on the same page

I clearly FELT we were not on the same page. She had ever so slightly 'shut down' from the conversation. I almost just went to bed thinking 'yeah its really not a big deal, lets discuss it tomorrow or whatever'.

IN THAT MOMENT I realized... wait...

This is us BREAKING the agreement. Not holding up to it!!

This is me not taking responsibility to direct the conversation.

This is me not 'making love real'

SO I turned the light on. 

We almost were asleep.

I said 'Hey Jess we aren't on the same page. Something is a misunderstanding here'

It turned into a simple conversation, we realized that she said something was 'fine' for her, but I knew that 'fine' didn't mean it was actually fine.

And instead of me being a little bitch and just going to bed and not addressing it.

I LIVED the agreement.

I faced the point. We easily came to a resolution.

But so much more came from that.

We maintained that TRUST. Trust in ourselves to bring up the point, to talk it through and to address it.

THAT is valuable right there.

Face the point

Bring it up

Doing it tactfully. Being well aware that it may turn into a bigger conversation. But FACING IT and not sweeping it under the rug.

So over 6+ years of doing this, our relationship has a strength to it that is unbreakable.

This is LIVING RELATIONSHIPS AS AGREEMENTS.

So some writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not confront myself and my partner when I can sense we aren't on the same page

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'sweeping it under the rug' is an effective way of living

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that little points of misunderstanding accumulate into a snowball where the partnership fractures and this is what creates divorce, spite, heartbreak and all of the 'negatives' that come from a relationship

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe 'relationships as agreements' is just something that sounds nice, not seeing what it ACTUALLY looks like honoring the agreement

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that 90% of the time just VOICING IT from a starting point/intention of coming to a solution, that just voicing it begins the resolution process

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that life is actually way EASIER long term when facing the points. One develops a strength that is impossible to develop any other way

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the importance of having OTHER couples who are also in agreement is NECESSARY, because at times the couple will not be clear how to do it, how to walk through points together, how to have effective communication, so thus a GROUP is necessary and getting couples supporting couples is NECESSARY

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize the genuine sense of pride and confidence that is lasting that comes as a result of facing the point

I realize that facing the point as a couple requires breathing and being on the same team

I realize that relationships are the ultimate mirror to see ourselves

I realize that relationships based on agreements are the way to go

I realize that I must be an example to show the world what's possible, in a world where we have a 50% divorce rate normalized, we can absolutely change this

I realize that facing the point within myself, being courageous enough to look at the negative, to confront it, this is what creates an actual positive life

I commit myself to continually face the points as they arise

I commit myself to get even better at communicating with my partner, so they can HEAR me, and I can HEAR them, working as a team in alignment

I commit myself to help as many other couples as possible if they genuinely want to change and live the principles, I am here for them

I commit myself to normalize 'relationships as agreements' and facing the points head on, this is the change I wish to see in the world and I will live this commitment