Day 75 - Skeleton Structure Writing

Day 75 - Skeleton Structure Writing 

For context on how we can walk the cutting edge of time, but it requires dropping the story in our head- Listen to this podcast: https://x.com/beselfperfected/status/1997686423697363307

Picking up from yesterday's blog where I opened up righting through writing, this blog will help understand WHY its so important to write specifically

The cutting edge of time - the leading edge of all reality is possible to influence, its done through breath and righting/writing accumulation

It requires giving up the story we accept and allow

and here is the way you can dismantle the mind-constructs that hold one in place in limitation

The story we accept and allow is what got imprinted into us within every single word, concept and memory we ever integrated. Until we take self-responsibility for every aspect of ourselves, we will be at effect and in limitation

So here is a very helpful was to drop the old story, and to knock out big chunks of our programming

This is called a skeleton structure and it helps with identifying core resonant patterns we have

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For example - this style of writing helped me to realize how I would get stuck in my business with my outreach efforts, but it was tied back to an ollldddd memory of back in the day when I wanted to play with a friend, and I called him multiple times, he never returned my call, and in that moment I accepted an entire pattern/character of being neglected, thus I created a pattern where I neglected myself

I also had memories of me faking being sick to get out of preschool, but that exact pattern of 'avoiding' being in a system, would show up in me sabotaging myself in my own system that I use to help me grow my business

Or memories of the first time I had a breakup, how that was still playing into my relationship to this day, and my marriage improved

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So this is a way of doing the self forgiveness writing that is very specific and can be helpful in ways you can't yet imagine. DIP Lite explains the foundations and then DIP pro goes more into it but ultimately I got this style of writing as the skeleton from a specific buddy of mine who was able to walk me through it and cross-reference my writing. You reading this will need to use self honesty and I cannot commit to reading your blogs to give you feedback unless you are really determined then DM me on facebook I can see some general patterns and where you may be deceiving yourself in it. Really good writing will become self-evident and your life will obviously change because you'll act different.

So for the skeleton structure: 

I'll lay the frame work in this blog and give more examples over time but this writing process is life changing, its still within the context of self forgiveness and self correction

But its more specific than doing a general rant and can be more helpful if there is a deep point that one keeps looping on

Step 1 identify an area of struggle - for example lets say I keep looping on fear of the unknown

Step 2 breathe and slow down, ask what is are my core memories of fear of the unknown (or whatever word you chose)

Step 3 identify the earliest memory with a strong 'charge' to it

Step 4 breathe, stay in the slowed down physical presence state and write out in PRESENT TENSE now line by line the 'snapshot memory' of what happened line by line (Example below)

the physical reality of what happened

the thoughts

the feelings

the emotions

the backchat (inner conversation, if any)

Step 5 go back through each line and write out one fully effective line of self-forgiveness under each line, and then a commitment statement to live 

Step 6 Live it and realize life is not about 'updating your story' its about dropping the story, and being here, living your commitments to create the conditions that are best for all

Step 7 - repeat the skeleton structure writing with other core memories and/or the most recent experience you had with the memory

Reminder - one must be in a state of full self-responsibility and self-honesty while doing this, its easy (especially early on) to delude ourselves in self-forgiveness, which is why DIP lite is essential for the ground work

Example:

I am at daycare

I am in the family room watching the TV

I think 'where is my brother'?

I look in the other room

I feel anxious

I think 'I want to see my brother'

I feel scared

I think 'oh no I am alone'

I think 'I don't know where he is'

My stomach feels like a knot in it

I think 'what if he doesn't come back'

My temples feel flush 

I hold my breath

I think 'I want mom to be here'

I think 'what if mom never gets me'

My eyes start to water

I feel fear

I think 'please make this feeling stop'

I stay on the couch

I feel frozen

Now that's the skeleton ^

Next is the forgiveness continued tomorrow where I'll take the exact structure and copy + paste it and do the self-forgiveness writing in it

Notice how it starts with a physical action

Then my mind started with a thought, and it 'snowballed' into more thoughts, feelings, emotions and eventually the physical outcome which was I stayed frozen on the couch.

Its important to go line by line because each line is literally how our structural resonance plays out. 

Do DIP lite to really unpack this but I see that it makes sense to have more reference points out there for everyone walking the journey to life to see this and use this - it is extremely helpful

Day 74 - Righting Through Writing

Day 74 - Righting Through Writing

Read the self-forgiveness out loud

This one is a mind-bender

Here to help YOU bend your mind to the best for all trajectory

Isn't it interesting that the word Writing and Righting are the same sound

And Writing in its 'highest form' is the righting of oneself. Taking responsibility for one's words

The 'wrong' we have done, actions we have done, beliefs we have held that need to be forgiven to right our relationship with ourselves and thus to all

I enjoy doing the daily writing within my blog because it is a commitment I've made to bring forth a point of realization, and done in the format of self-forgiveness it allows for the reader to actually have a breakthrough and a potential opening they can seize for themselves through the forgiveness, the realization and the commitment

Now within this I want to get into the specifics and empower more people to take on writing

DIP Lite is where I learned this. This free course taught me more in 4 months than I learned in 4 years getting my degree in psychology.

And then over years of doing this and getting support from other people on the journey to life I discovered the process called a skeleton structure which I'll write more about tomorrow

For now let's do the self-forgiveness on writing/righting and my intent is to get the being within you to wake up and see the mess we have all allowed and right our relationship with and AS reality, through writing and ultimately living the words

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize I have layers of programming held within me that can be interpreted as words and thus as the author of my life I can be the authority to rewrite the code of my programming and take the old programming, see it for what it is, forgive it and commit to a new way of living thus righting myself through writing

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not define right and wrong for myself

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to doubt my own ability to deem something as 'right'

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to see the word right within the definition of common sense - as the specifying of any point, any thing in my life and/or in the world, and to specify my understanding of it and to think/act accurately within my relationship to it - starting with the word right and the 'right' definitions I can use to empower myself  to right myself as this word

right

1. free from error; especially conforming to fact or truth: the correct answerthe correct versionthe right answertook the right roadthe right decision
2. appropriate for a condition or purpose or occasion or a person's character, needs:
3. in or into a satisfactory condition: 
4. make right or correct
5. anything in accord with principles of justice: 
6. precisely, exactly
7. in an accurate manner: 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'being right' out of the implied responsibility of thus making a judgment call and then being accountable for the consequences that can flow from this

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe its easier to just participate in moral relativism and believe its not possible to deem something as 'right' or 'wrong'

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate in nihilism believing that there is no point or meaning to anything

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the very fact we can discern what is not best, which is anything abusive - where it violates the golden rule of 'give as I would like to receive', this is an obvious first principle by which we can operate and begin to work out for ourselves what is right

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate in laziness believing its too much work to right this all/write this all out, and thus be ok with a mediocre life where I just accept the world as is and let the abuse continue

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to miss the obvious that writing out starting with deciding my principles by which I will operate, and from there to utilize the skill of effective ranting (through words written specifically), and thus as this foundation I can begin to use my writing as a support for me to map out my mind and my life and begin to stand as the author/authority and write out what I stand for

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to hold back my words out of a fear of the consequence of standing for something real

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize for myself what righting through writing can mean in its utmost best expression over years and years of application - where I see the common sense that self-forgiveness and living commitments is a way to change myself - and thus as this fact I can either use this fully and dedicate myself to this process or I can time loop and miss the whole damn point of being alive here, staying a consciousness zombie

I realize that writing was not effectively taught to me as a kid, I just used writing as a way to participate in the system, learning in school how to be a good cog in the system

I realize that righting myself was not taught to me as a kid where I grasped it fundamentally - the golden rule, give as I would like to receive, and thus evolving the system of the world, and the system within me as my mind/thoughts/emotions/feelings/characters to align every single part of this so that it reflects the principle of 'give as I would like to receive' and this is possible through me righting myself THROUGH writing

I realize that over time as I do right myself it is verifiable by others that I am acting in a way that doesn't produce negative consequence for others, and in actuality my words become alive and expansive in a way that supports and strengthens those also aligned with these living principles, as the principles are in alignment with life itself

I realize that my writing daily is part of me taking care of myself, just like I eat, bathe, and care for myself consistently, just like I invest time and presence into my relationships that are important to me, writing is my way to process through my mind and be able to change the script by which I live

I commit myself to right myself so that in every situation I can stand as the living example that all can see I am living the principles I have committed myself to live

I commit myself to become even more effective in my writing so my words can act as a key to lock in to people's minds, where the words then twist and help open up the being inside to break through and break out of this consciousness mess we have allowed, yet each one will have to decide this for themselves who they are, who WE are, my words can be a support to make it more obvious and make it easier for one to go faster as they take their own journey to life

I commit myself to see what's possible, to really push the cutting edge of words, sequencing, syntax, neologisms, vocabulary and the practical application of LIVING words as the true education, serving as the roots of the tree of life so once and for all reality can be built on the principle of LIFE as oneness and equality

More on writing tomorrow as I'll open up the skeleton structure to help each grasp the value in writing daily, pulling apart our past and re-formatting ourselves in the best way so we can open up new opportunity to change ourselves and change our world

Day 73 - Starting Point

Read the self - forgiveness out loud

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my starting point is in each moment either here as breath, being alive and thus expanding, or my starting point is limitation which will create consequence

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that any starting point based in emotion such as fear, doubt, inequality, will ultimately become the 'end point' and thus trap myself in cycles

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not be honest about the fact that being born into this world, with my body, being and mind, my starting point WAS set up to just be 'survive at all costs' / 'self interest' and thus self forgiveness and self correction is needed to transform myself from a desire to survive only, to transforming myself into the will of life

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize there is a difference between awareness and consciousness, CONsciousness is the con - the automated pattern, a counterfit version of awareness where I am running my pre programmed design given to me by the world system which had been based in survival, consumerism, abuse, and the awareness is the spark of life within me, the awareness that is seeing through my eyes, is aware I am here, this awareness is worthy of expansion and thus my starting point as breath, being here, is important as in each moment I am either growing in awareness or growing in consciousness/pre-programming/accepting limitations

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in each moment within my self honesty there is a highest potential - a best for all potential I can stand as, whether I 'feel like it' or 'not' my feelings are not the guide, as obviously if I just choose how I feel I will stick in my same starting point of limitation, whereas I can actually re-build myself through self-will, checking my starting point in each moment, to ensure my intention of what is best for all is coming through, and this results in equality, in certainty, in sharing, in responsibility and ultimately being alive

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to admit to myself that my starting point is the fundamental point of creation, in each moment me as life can be here as either infinite expansion as life, and directing self in accordance with this fact, or I can choose limitation.. but the limitation 'choice' is not real choice, because its choosing enslavement to my past programming instead of a liberation and a REAL choice to do what is best, to build this into the foundation of reality as reality is programmable. This is self-perfection as my starting point and the ongoing manifestation is where this is proven over time

I realize that my starting point will create the end point, so when I act from self-honesty, self-awareness and self-responsibility, thus more of this will accumulate

I realize that breathing is a way to fundamentally stay in touch with my self honesty, as my body as all of life, not in the limited narrow window of my ego/mind, as even though my starting point is to stay here as life and calibrate my mind to be the best, it does take time a minimum of 7-14 years and thus I walk this daily

I commit myself to honor my starting point of doing what is best for all through the nitty gritty details, being here and checking myself in self honesty and utilizing my relationships based on agreements for external cross-reference

Let's make the world best for all, as starting point and end point, from there/here we will really see what it means to live. 

Day 72 - Glass Ceiling

The Glass Ceiling is the programming but how one sees it requires looking at it from a different 'light' much like sometimes you walk into a glass door and it hurts, it requires a way of SEEING to get through/around the programming

Remember - the only way 'out' of this (your current situation) is THROUGH

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that the glass ceiling as manifested as my inability to improve - that this is inevitable in my life and I cannot see it or break through it

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to break through my glass ceilings

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to see the glass ceiling and thus stay stuck looping

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my previous days of forgiveness, my realizations and my commitments are my structure of who I am, as living words, and as these words this is my strength by which I can break through any level needed

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any plateau with my progress, more education is required, where education means a learning of new understanding + integration of the understanding AND at the same time a letting go of the past

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the best months I've had in my life and business have been a result of the strength I got from learning how to walk through hardships/frustrations/glass ceilings and thus in the same way I have done it before I will do it again yet each time is unique because its a new vocabulary set of living words and as long as I make the time and space to write, to forgive and to CONNECT with others who can give me the actual real feedback needed, as long as I do this I have the right inputs to break through

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that from my past / childhood I have resonant triggers within me that can trigger and play out as a resonant possession and within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that these resonant possessions are greater than me, and I am inferior to them, when in reality I am them, and as them I can breathe, absorb it all into myself as my breath and to forgive it real time as who I am is here and all, and thus I can move through anything

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my glass ceilings will be there as a natural fact of me pushing myself and changing my location point within the world, and as I move there will be limits on my growth as a result of my limited vocabulary and understanding, and as the principle of self-perfection, part of perfection is sucking at the beginning and perfecting my process ongoing over and over improving day after day, and as long as I can accumulate my responsibility in each breath and not 'turn back' or give up, that I will persist and I will succeed

I forgive myself that i had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in every moment I am either breaking through the glass ceiling and strengthening myself for the break through to my next level in my effectiveness OR I am getting weaker, there is no 'stagnation' in between, its either 'growing' or 'dying'  and this is a fun realization because it reminds me to be full on always

I realize that the glass ceiling is not something 'more' than me or some elusive 'mind' thing, its literally an analogy for the fact that my vocabulary/way of seeing is only seeing so much of what is here, and the break through is to SEE and ACT in accordance with the highest potential in each moment and thus this is the break through

I realize that our collective glass ceiling is that we don't yet have a system that is best for all, rooted in education which is effective equal vocabulary for all and thus this is the #1 focus I can have is liberating my self as my effectiveness to spread this and thus to help as many as possible also equalize to become elite in our programming and principled living as what is best for all

I commit myself to in any moment I sense a 'glass ceiling' to automatically look at what is here, to breathe, and to see what further education and/or actions is needed from me, to take that step and if I'm not clear, to call the people I know can support me as I know there are no problems, only solutions, as I am aligned as Life and this is the way through

Day 71 - The Spark of Life

Day 71 The Spark of Life

Want an obvious example of the spark of life? Look at a child

What is it that 'motivates' them? Its not fear, its not desire, its a fundamental essence of them as life moving themselves, because they're alive, they love themselves, they want to do things and enjoy

That is the spark of life and its in all of us

But we suppress it -- hard

So lets re-activate it, see it and spread it. As the world needs it now more than ever before

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to make the 'spark of life' analogy something mental instead of a physical realization of beingness

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize this spark of life is within every human, and even if its twisted and contorted and suppressed, its there under everything until the dying breath when it leaves the body

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to make the 'spark of life' into something more in my mind, trying to take that reality of physical energy within my body, and make it into a mental energy projection where my mind goes into a character of 'specialness' and separation, thinking I am then 'more' than life instead of realizing my equality as the physical, as a being, as a body, as my mind, as an amalgamation of all as oneness and equality - the fact that that is what I am truly - I had missed this, until here no further

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize this spark of life is the purest form of motivation, and within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life create alternative sources of energy from fear, pressure, chaos, that I had used as a form of 'energy' to move myself to take action 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe this spark of life has to be 'mental energy' from the mind consciousness system, its not - its a living physical energy expression that powers the body synonymous with self will and movement, its a living presence that is life-giving

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I walk this process of the journey to life, as I effectively forgive myself, the energies I used to motivate myself like the fear of survival, that this energy dissipates, and then I am 'stuck in the mud' as a human because I have used these energies to motivate me, and now they're removed, now I am stuck with ME, and as me I must find that spark within myself to now create from a starting point of CREATION as SELF WILL, which comes from this life spark within me. Its a point of creation, breath and focus to now will myself consistently as life to act and create, where this is the purest form of my self expression yet its like using a muscle that had atrophied, it will take time and effort to create this as my baseline

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe its easier to be motivated by the energy of fear of survival, where this electrifies my body where I get out of bed, I move myself, I am barely breathing, I am rushing and its so intense that I just whip myself into shape and do my 'role' in the system meanwhile making ZERO difference in the world and actually perpetuating the old system...

I commit myself to show that as the spark of life, and cultivating this spark, as the real source of motivation as self movement - that this is the real standing up of me as a being - and this is the way to create the new system of the world that can be best for all. Any change to the system that comes from the outside first as 'top down' will inevitably not work, because its not coming from self as self-will as the spark of life integrated into the change, and thus the 'outside' forces end up creating a time loop again and again, hence why no government programs or 'revolutions' or 'motivational seminars' do anything to fundamentally change the system or change our lives, because its not coming from self

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the spark within me is always there, under the programs, which can be forgiven thoroughly, and after consistent effort forgiving myself, living the new commitments, and rebuilding my programming to be aligned with my best expression as life - this spark within me can spread, as it is the source of all potentials and possibilities as life itself in equality and oneness and so I commit myself to spread this spark, to support the activation and spreading of the spark in others, to turn into a wildfire that spreads through the world where all the living beings can step up and create together. 

I commit myself to identify any memories of where I gave up on my self-will, to forgive them thoroughly and to commit myself to living my self-will fully, as the self-will is the spark of life within and thus the forgiveness of these memories and the commitment to new action allows for me real time to thus create from the starting point of HERE instead of repeating the past of failure and abdication of responsibility

I commit myself to notice the spark of life within me and to cultivate it into a powerful force that comes through in my thoughts, words and deeds, where its the constant expansion of the principle of life as what's best for all, and this is inherently a sharing, a spreading, and a responsibility inherent within this way of living

I commit myself to bring about the circumstances where I can help others activate the spark within them, through creating environments, conversations, activities where we can come together and they can see the common sense of life expansion, and within this I commit myself to get the tools of change to everyone so they can sustain this spark of life, because just having a spark of life, but without the ongoing ability to do self-forgiveness, and without the ability to rebuild every single word of one's vocabulary/programming, the spark of life will be suppressed again and again.. So this is my living commitment and in each breath is the potential and possibilities I will stand as to spread the spark of life into a wildfire that covers the world

Day 70 - Hosting

Day 70 - Hosting

Even in a snow storm we hosted 20+ people for our recent clubhouse. I'm going to write my blog today on why/how this works and my intention for wayyyy more of these to happen

We host a lot of events. The purpose of these events is to bring people together who WANT to be their best selves, and to help us all collectively become our best

The events are fun, they are dynamic, we have deep conversations and intentionally create a space where people can have breakthroughs and make new commitments to how they will live

Over 5 years of doing this, my wife and I (and the core people who help host) have learned a lot

and for you reading this blog, you know part of your legacy is going to be hosting phenomenal events that have the same exact purpose 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating events and hosting events

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word event with the words chaos and stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the 'introvert extrovert' paradigm and use it as a limitation for my self expression

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear hosting events, of who will show up? If its 'not enough' then I believe people will judge me, and if it's 'too many' then I will be overwhelmed... thus it would be easier to just not do it and delay it to a future that will never happen

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that many of the biggest moments in my life, specifically with 'doors that open' have come from people I've met at events in person

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to 'default' within myself to looking at the negative and the challenging parts of hosting events, instead of seeing the event as a living commitment to change myself and change the world - simply for what it is - its people coming together to change and grow

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that as a host of the event I have a responsibility to the people, to show up and having done the work on myself within my self honesty, because when others are within your physical presence they do pick up on things unconsciously. So if there are areas out of integrity within my life --- the events are a great way to act as a catalyst to 'clean up one's own life' so that one can stand in integrity and be an authority to support others to also change

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that events without a clear intentional purpose - the purpose becomes a giant 'energy fest' where people want to act crazy, potentiallly drink, cause drama, gossip, etc and the event then becomes abusive - whereas based on my commitment to the living principles the events I host are intentionally designed to awaken one's BEING, not to be an energy jack-up session

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to play small and not do the right inputs to fuel the right people coming through the door at the event, that I had been lazy to think 'oh my events are just so great that people will show up' and then many times face the reality that it does take promotion to get people in the door - yet over time there is a magnetic pull that grows as we get more and more people who are in resonant alignment/subconscious coordination - yet even then the physical inputs of inviting people and curating the audience is needed

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that events are not just 'nice to do' but they are essential - as human beings ARE social creatures. There are the studies that kids would die if they didn't get physical touch. Yet in today's day and age people forget this, that you need to get out, to shake peoples hands, to hug people, to share a meal, to connect, to be uncomfortable, to laugh together, to ask questions and really bond with one's fellow human. Let's magnify this in our world WITHIN the starting point of principle

I realize that events have shaped me into becoming the best I can be, it is a forcing function to help me level up, to 'walk the talk' so to speak, to constantly improve my life and become more effective so I can be a role model for others

I realize that events based on living principles are the only events that will be life-giving, where all others become draining and exhaustive because its an energy-mining fest

I realize that the Self-Perfected Clubhouses is a core backbone to events around the world, and there are many other events I host and have connections to that I can recommend to people to be a constant impulse for people to get out of their home, go talk and go share and connect because you can meet the people who forever change the trajectory of your life at these events

I commit myself to use the commitments as a way to ground the events, for example at the end of each of my events recently I am asking people - what were your biggest insights AND what is your commitment before I see you again? 

Because insight can be misleading - it feels good in the moment but unless its grounded in a living commitment of change, it is a distraction and then the event/communication/conversations were all for naught because the change wasn't lived

I commit myself to be the best I can be within my location point within my local community, the international community that I am part of, and to help more and more events be hosted that create outcomes that are best for all

Day 69 - The Playfulness Hack

Day 69 - The Playfulness Hack

This one is life changing when you realize it for yourself

I have noticed my wife Jessica and I our relationship has changed already from applying this

So I'll write this in the context of your relationship with your significant other, but it can be extrapolated out to any relationship

Last week on Friday night we were on the Self-Perfected Hangout. On the calls I have a responsibility to help share and connect with people as I'm one of the co-founders of the group.

Also though - its at the end of the day, my kids want to see me. Every time I go in the kitchen my son Xander wants to be picked up.

So I'll be on the zoom call, super focused, then I walk in to get water or some food and then he's crying and wants me to pick him up.

So I noticed in that moment I pick him up, I'm distracted, I can't really support him in that moment. So I walk up to Jessica and said 'you gotta take him'

I said it in a tone that was direct, it was also from a point of 'you do it, I'm not gonna 'deal with this' right now' that kind of vibe

And she was in the middle of unloading the dishwasher, so she didn't reply right away.

I was impatient so I said again - 'Hey Jess I need you to confirm that you can take him I'm on the call'... and after what to ME felt like forever, and to Jess was the next moment, she said yeah sure I can take him

I noticed a reaction in me, this whole character of 'You gotta reply faster to me! Can't you see i'm doing something important? He is our son, I can't nurture him right now, you should listen to me' That was the whole 'inner backchat' character lol

And later, Jessica and I discussed it, where from her perspective she was thinking 'yeah I heard you, I just had to put the dishes away, but also that tone you used was not fun at all it was like you just wanted to pass him off to me, so I wasn't fully thrilled to just drop what I was doing - that I know is also important.'

So in that moment we both decided that there is a WAYYYYYY better way to do this. Shout out Jess she came up with it

She said 'well what if you in that moment you need to pass him off.... what if you said something like Hey sexy mama, I have this handsome boy that needs some care and attention, incoming!! and then playfully pass him over to me? 

That way its fun for her, our son Xander will think its awesome, and for ME as the man, its a chance for me to be flexible instead of so stern and thinking 'I need to just get this over with so I can do my more 'important' stuff' lol

So we implemented it right away

And the results have been wonderful

The first time it was a similar situation, and within myself I was about to just hand him off and then I remember - oh yeah make it playful and I said something like 'I have a handsome boy here who needs a beautiful mom to hold him! Here he is' and I said it in a playful voice, it was awesome. Jess literally said 'wowwww!!! yes come here!'

She said 'its like you put a spell on me and I couldn't escape' 

Now of course we're playing... but this is the power of words and expression

So we named it the Playfulness Hack

And we notice other times in our day where there's something either mundane, or something that is more 'serious' like we must talk about planning how we clean up our property to prepare for winter

And in these moments we sometimes have memories accumulated, like last year we left out some of our garden supplies/rakes/shovels and they got ruined over winter. And so its this 'point' of contention where we had neglected our responsibilities in the past, judged ourselves over it, and then now its a point of where we can break through the 'time loop' and not do the same thing again.

So Jess brings this up to me, and there's a little bit of contention in it, she wants to convey that its serious - which I agree with. But for me, at 10 pm at night after I've had a 'long day' and I am almost asleep, my 'mind' defaults to - Jess lets just talk about it later when we can do something about it.

Those little moments - where its important, it matters to come to a solution, and there's an energetic charge to it, and there's 2 differing view points... this is a tinder-box that in any other relationship can explode into a fight

But in that moment, because Jess and I have done so much work on ourselves, and we're united in agreement/principle, it was a fun moment where we both caught it, we started laughing. We are like 'ok wow look at us getting all serious about the fact our shovels were buried under the leaves and it started to snow. 

Yes its still an important matter... but the playfulness hack is what actually will get us to resolve it.. not just being all 'serious' about it because it drains the fun, it turns it into an activity thats not life giving, and we just treat it like necessary responsibility drudgery.

So the playfulness hack is this = in the moment where you want to be serious and get a point across to your partner, be flexible in your expression, say it in a new way, have fun with it. Still get the point across - but in this way it actually lands and inspires action, and it becomes a fun 'level up' in your relationship that opens up entirely new dynamics.

Test it out today