Day 66 - What Does It Mean to Be a Man? (Part 3 - Conclusion)
Upon the past 2 days of writing on 'what it means to be a man' I had a few more insights to bring this point to completion
I am part of a men's group called the Self-Leaders Club and we have a mastermind discussion every 2 weeks.
If you are a man who wants to be held to a higher standard, to be a leader in the world and bring about the change we need, hit me up I'll teach you how you can join.
On this discussion I got feedback the past 2 blogs helped a lot of the guys
Also as I heard this, it became evident there are 3 other points to bring through, and I will give context for each
1 - Niceness is a disease, Kindness is the cure
2 - A real man honors their agreements that are built on principle
3 - Self-Trust as equals is what emerges as the backbone of the new world
Now point by point
1 - Niceness is a disease, Kindness is the cure
Yesterday I was at our local mastermind group. My colleague Pedro and I have run this group for 5+ years. He does an excellent job running the main discussion and we utilize the group as a way to unite the people who want to change their lives, and align their 'success' with real purpose
In the discussion, Pedro was bringing through the 'cost' of being nice, of avoiding conflict, of not actually confronting the things in your life.
He asked a question that made me stop and ponder ... and I've been looking at it all weekend. He asked 'what has your niceness cost you'?
I was raised to 'be nice'.
I am from Minnesota, where we literally have a phrase called 'Minnesota Nice' its where people are pleasant, even if it means they'll be in silent despair, but they'll say 'hey I'm doing great'.
What I realized is that niceness has cost me massively. Not just money (even though I would likely have made over $1M more at least in my journey as an entrepreneur if I had been more direct) but really it has cost me relationships, where I would not actually SERVE the person by telling them the KIND thing.
For example = nice is when you don't tell someone they have bad breath. Kind is when you call it out (with tact and candor of course, because you actually care about the outcome, not just making the other person react)
So as I had been reflecting on this over the weekend, the phrase popped in my mind. Nice is a disease. Kindness is the cure.
Niceness is caring more about your own feelings and how you are perceived... where KINDNESS is the cure - meaning it is the word that when it is LIVED - you can support others for real, unconditionally
And thus the living commitment emerged in me of Kindness - at a whole new level. And the realization that a MAN is KIND. A boy will hide behind 'being nice' to play a charade. Fuck that. Its selfish and against what I stand for.
I can be respectful, and help the other person actually change - by being KIND and saying what needs to be said. Because if I were the other, that's what I would want.
Thus - a Man is Kind.
Point 2 - A real man honors their agreements that are built on principle
We are all each individual parts of our collective body/being as humanity
For example - imagine my heart didn't trust my brain, didn't trust my liver to 'do its thing'. I would be dead fast.
There is a mutual trust that must emerge. But it doesn't come from 'blindly' trusting another
It comes from each of us trusting ourselves, having our operating principles, and then over time accumulating trust, and all of the benefits of this.
When a man does each of these (from my blog yesterday and today)
- Provides in the best way
- Protects in the best way
- Is KIND and doesn't succumb to niceness
- Honors his agreements, based in principle (specifically these principles, not the ray dalio bullshit system principles)
- And develops self-trust
This is a man.
This is a man I will be able to work with, to walk side by side, as we create the backbone of the new world.
We are the skeleton/structure/foundation of the world.
Imagine the MAN/MASCULINE is the structure of the home. We keep what's inside safe. We weather any storm. We are always here. Always present.
The FEMALE/FEMININE is the energy within the home. It makes it a nice place to be, a place that is nurturing.
Ever been in a single guys apartment? There's a mattress, maybe a desk... MAYBE 1 picture on the wall. Its simple.
When a woman is involved, its nice. There's nice couches, a blanket, some decorations.
We need both.
But this blog is specifically to make it clear - this is what a man is - how I see it and for all to see.
There is one bonus step I'll address...
It's called the 'Rite of Passage'
In cultures around the world, forever - there has been known the phrase.
Women grow up, men must be raised up.
Women naturally mature
Men must have some form of decision within them, where they transition from boy to man.
I'm not advocating we need to bring back some Agoge shit from 300 or a lion hunt in the wild.
It's simple, its a declaration to walk the journey to life, to live the principles and to welcome the test that comes with it. Life is intelligent, we ARE life.
Life has a way of testing us - as ourselves. Sounds 'meta' but its not. Its us as life proving to ourselves we are the living words we say we are. We are sentenced by our sentences.
So the 'rite of passage' is this undertaking, where one can thus 'visibly live the principles' and be an effective member of our world as their role as a man.
I will elaborate more tomorrow
Bonus - the rite of passage (will elaborate more tomorrow)