Day 40 - The Pain of Change

Note - Each of these blogs can be read individually, or in order. Its suggested to read them out loud, it will have 1000x the benefit.

Today I am sick. I call it an upgrade. I hosted a lot this past weekend. Stayed up late. ALL was worth it but I can see i'm going to the next level and my body hurts massively 

I realize that within change there is a certain amount of pain that must be dealt with

I spent YEARS of my life avoiding the pain of change. I would mask with alcohol, weed, music, distractions instead of just feeling it and breathing through it.

As I write this my body is aching, and I have made some very big changes over the past 2 weeks, really challenging myself to let go of certain points I will write about at a future point.

I also see those around me leveling up.

And what's fascinating is that everything is interconnected. 

The 'sickness' and fever is the burning away of the old.

And I've learned to embrace this 'pain' of change. Because I come out the other end stronger and able to take even more responsibility in my life

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain of change

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my mind, and I can isolate myself in my mind and ignore my physical reality, my body and what is HERE in my life

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize the healing power of self forgiveness as a way to SUPPORT my body through changing and upgrading

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize that pain is grounding, and always an indicator of something that is out of alignment

I realize that I can become conscious of the physical programming held in my body

I realize that pain can teach me

I realize that pain comes from manifested consequence from my life and the generation before me, and this takes meticulous effort to correct yet its worth it

I realize there are systems within my body, such as my solar plexus, where old emotions are trapped and I can breathe, forgive and reprogram myself to have my body be a reference point of real change where I can sense the release OR where I am not releasing the pain

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear pain as a child when I would get hurt and want the pain to be over, the sensation of pain wasn't put into context for me (my parents didn't know any better) and so I held myself inferior to pain

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize my pain tolerance is able to increase as I apply myself and live intentionally

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility tolerance is able to increase as I apply myself and live intentionally

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed the mainstream brainwashing paradigm of that 'sickness' is just something that happens to you, not realizing that the body and our environment are in constant communication and if I live in alignment with my environment versus neglecting my environment, my body, my state and my overall health will be affected by this relationship

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize that a mind calibrated with LIFE is the only mind worth having

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not realize there is a certain amount of pain that I will go through as I take my process seriously, there will be the release of the old, sometimes through a physical upgrade where rest is required, and other times the pain will be the realization of the turmoil I had been accepting but either way I can be present through it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that AS I am present through the pain I stand to GAIN the lesson that is only possible to come about through self-honest self-reflection, understanding how I got here, and committing to a new way of living

I realize that the mainstream take on health is just based in the mind, thus separation, and mostly bullshit

I realize that the starting point by which I approach the physical attributes of life, such as looking at sickness, pain, real physical change, my understanding of this will be affected by my starting point and will either be biased or accurate

I realize that the alignment of health and thriving is rooted in my programming and the words I am living and the nutrition of my body far more than just accepting what the mainstream narrative currently is

I realize that in order to change, it requires understanding and walking through temporary pain for a lasting eternal gain forged through the walking and accumulation of understanding and living

I commit myself to embrace the pain of change

I commit myself to stay focused on what matters which is the education of myself and the change of my life where I can be more effective and take more responsibility, its not like I NEED pain to change, its just an aspect of where I'm currently at

I commit myself to stop creating unnecessary pain

I commit myself to stop looping and recreating painful experiences

I commit myself to show that pain isn't that painful, and my ability to breathe and direct my life is possible no matter the sensations within me, I can move myself effectively

I commit myself to show that a mind calibrated to LIFE and what is best for all life is the only mind worth having, as I will live that alignment in harmony with my environment and this will support me to have more ease instead of disease

I commit myself to challenge the mainstream paradigm and show what is possible when one lives equal to life instead of in separation as the mind